Thank God for Texas Internet

Just a few comments on the weekend’s events. I don’t think many professions appreciate the weekend like teachers do, by the way. Something do with, hmmm, being the hell out of school.

My day was spent dreaming about cleaning the house, but actually passed out on the couch, crippled by what seemed to be my first head cold since high school. These kids are not only invading my every waking and sleeping thought, they have infected my blood stream with their germs. But the time home did lead to one productive finding—Texas is very good with maps.

Go ahead, take a tour of the fine collection of topographic, thematic, county, historical maps that Texas has put up on the internet. Just type in “average rainfall in Texas maps” into Google and go to town.

Sadly, I burst into a poor rendition of “When the Saints Go Marching In” when I found out this fact.

800 Numbers Available

Did you know that you can get a 800 number as your primary phone line? After today, I think it might not be too bad an investment. Teacher by day….phone sex operator by night. Here’s why I think I’m perfect for the job:

1) I went to bed last night with a slight tickle in my throat. Claro que si, it had turned into a full fledge sore throat by 2am that same night. What started out as a having my voice crack every now and then….turned into raspy, deep, sexy Ms. C by night. And in the middle, 8 hours of teaching caused my 8th hour class to laugh repeatedly as I tried to control my pubescent sounding tone while scolding my students about not doing their homework.

2) Kids say the darndest things. I received a flow chart that taught me all about saddling a horse. Wow, my still fresh college mind did not take that well. And hello, who can’t think of a million ways to make the teaching profession dirty? “You’d better behave or I’ll take you out back and spank you bad boy.”

The scary thing is….my school actually practices corporal punishment. Think about that.

And the Little One Said, Roll Over

fireworks

Congratulations to me! I now have seven days of teaching under my belt, a full week. And what do I have to show for it?

  • 95 diagnostics proving that my kids not only do not know which way is North, but also lack the reading level of many 3rd graders
  • 71 drawings of flow charts depicting a wide variety of topics ranging from “How to make your hair” (or do your hair) to how to load a Playstation 2 game into the console.
  • 8 sightings by students at the local Walmart, where I shop now on a daily basis. I believe I know the storage aisle by heart which may explain why most of my dreams these days take place in that setting. Luckily, I am not wearing a blue apron in any of these nightly activities.
  • 1 student informing me that he knows where I live…and he was right.
  • 2 students asking if another white teacher and I were related…because to them, we are all related.
  • 16 (and still counting) special education students spread out amongst 5 class periods. A high concentration of them being in my first hour class…imagining trying to not only keep your student’s awake, but making sure there lessons are differentiated as well…woofty

But it isn’t all bad. After having held back half my 8th hour class yesterday for one person taping my scissor blades together, I’ve had more than a few students fall in line. The eerie thing is when they don’t talk. Then you really start to thinks something is wrong.

Tomorrow….natural resources of Texas and their uses in everyday life. And yes….we’ve got more than just oil and hicks.

Image Credit: Chris via Flickr